Please Help! I’m Going To Jail!

Welcome to Prison Sign

SHANDI BEEVER:
Due to the fact that I apparently embezzled a small amount of money in the spring, I have been sentenced to a stretch in jail until next year. It was actually my phone and my computer that embezzled the money – not me. But, like, whatever.

Anyway, what I’m looking for is basically someone who will serve my sentence for me. If you would be interested in going to prison, potentially until April, but perhaps only until January if you behave yourself, please contact me via the Quixie inbox.


 
COMMENTS…

Richard Lingham:
Blog Member

Shandi, it is a disgusting outrage that anyone could sentence YOU to seven months in prison for a crime YOUR PHONE and YOUR COMPUTER committed. You are being made a scapegoat for the actions of complex technological devices, and all your fans know you are not a criminal. I would happily volunteer to serve your prison sentence for you, but sadly I fear I am rather too well endowed and it would quickly be discovered that I am in fact a man. All the best and please stay safe.

Gerald Fox:
Blog Member

How can she not stay safe? They’re locking her up.

Cock of the North:
Blog Member

Is this for real? You steal £28,000 from an eBanking facility, and you want ONE OF YOUR FANS to be punished for it?

SHANDI BEEVER:
Blog Member

Oh come on, most of you lot spend half your lives pretending to be women and making fake babe accounts on Twitter. This is your chance to do it for real. Shave your legs and put on a high voice for a few months – how hard can it be? You even get free meals and a Council Tax rebate.

michael_9:
Blog Member

I’ll do it.

Cock of the North:
Blog Member

Are you mad?

michael_9:
Blog Member

It’s a WOMEN’S PRISON! You have a shower with naked birds every day of the week.

Gerald Fox:
Blog Member

Yeah. Have you SEEN the women in a women’s prison? They’re all like wrestlers, but with thicker body hair and bigger dicks.

michael_9:
Blog Member

If I do it will you come and visit me Shandi?

SHANDI BEEVER:
Blog Member

Yeah babe!

Cock of the North:
Blog Member

Of course she won’t you pillock! You are such a mug if you do this.

michael_9:
Blog Member

Yeah, maybe it’s not such a good idea afterall…

SHANDI BEEVER:
Blog Member

You can have 10 of my latest nudie pics completely free of charge.

michael_9:
Blog Member

I’ll do it!

Gerald Fox:
Blog Member

No, I’ll do it!

Cock of the North:
Blog Member

No, I’ll do it!

Superteeth:
Blog Member

and me!

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