Warning: Do NOT Use Meetaplex Dating!

Prison Sign

BOB LEGGITT:
Yesterday, I arranged a date through the Meetaplex dating service, and was initially quite impressed with the simplicity of the process. However, after travelling to meet my date earlier this evening, I was rather less impressed to discover that I’d been given the address of a prison.

Upon arrival, I was forced, based on the suspicions of a gate keeper, to demonstrate that I was not a smuggler. I was told to surrender a chocolate gateau, which cost £13.95. The cake was placed on the pavement, aggressively flattened with a shovel, and then sucked up an industrial waste vehicle’s suction pipe. The gate keeper then high-fived the driver of the industrial waste vehicle, and I was asked if I still wanted to enter the prison.

Eventually, I got through the horrendous phone menu to connect with a Meetaplex agent, who said there was no mistake, and that my chosen love match is in fact in jail. I was then put on hold to wait for a supervisor, who told me exactly what the agent had told me, but in a more theatrical manner.

I would not recommend the Meetaplex dating service.


 

COMMENTS…

MEETAPLEX:
Dating Services

When you signed up for the service, did you untick the box that says: “I am happy to date a woman who has been convicted of either stealing a high performance car or robbing a bank”?

Bob Leggitt:
Author

I didn’t even see that box.

MEETAPLEX:
Dating Services

So there’s your problem.

Bob Leggitt:
Author

So you have sent me on a date with a woman who has either stolen a high performance car or robbed a bank?

MEETAPLEX:
Dating Services

Not necessarily. We assume that if you’re happy to date a woman who’s turned over a high street financial establishment, you’re also okay with a few more modest crimes.

Bob Leggitt:
Author

Like what?

MEETAPLEX:
Dating Services

Well there’s a wide range really. It might be best if you read the FAQ on the site.

Bob Leggitt:
Author

To save time, does the list include criminal damage and the glorification of sugary drinks?

MEETAPLEX:
Dating Services

Yes.

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