Yesterday, I arranged a date through the Meetaplex dating service, and was initially quite impressed with the simplicity of the process. However, after travelling to meet my date earlier this evening, I was rather less impressed to discover that I’d been given the address of a prison.
Upon arrival, I was forced, based on the suspicions of a gate keeper, to demonstrate that I was not a smuggler. I was told to surrender a chocolate gateau, which cost £13.95. The cake was placed on the pavement, aggressively flattened with a shovel, and then sucked up an industrial waste vehicle’s suction pipe. The gate keeper then high-fived the driver of the industrial waste vehicle, and I was asked if I still wanted to enter the prison.
Eventually, I got through the horrendous phone menu to connect with a Meetaplex agent, who said there was no mistake, and that my chosen love match is in fact in jail. I was then put on hold to wait for a supervisor, who told me exactly what the agent had told me, but in a more theatrical manner.
I would not recommend the Meetaplex dating service.