J S Bach’s Brain Found Perfectly Preserved

Bach's Brain Found Perfectly Preserved

A human brain, almost certainly belonging to the celebrated composer and musician Johann Sebastian Bach, has been found perfectly preserved in Leipzig. The ‘time capsule’ containing the brain was unearthed with several of Bach’s possessions, and a note of identification.

The brain itself appears to have been the subject of a spectacularly advanced 18th century pickling technique, which has stunned scientists, at least two of whom have claimed the specimen is in working order. Three onions and a courgette, which were sealed in the pickle jar with the brain, have been sent to a lab for analysis. It’s thought they will subsequently be auctioned on eBay, each in a separate presentation pack, with a certificate of authenticity.

The brain, meanwhile, is being stimulated with electrical impulses and is showing signs of response.

 
COMMENTS…

Shandi Beever:
Blog Member

Wow!

Sexton Wellings:
Blog Member

Is the actual brain for sale? I’m not bothered about the onions or the courgette.

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

I cannot be bought.

Victoria Druggs:
Blog Member

OMG!! ARE YOU ALIVE???!!!

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

I don’t exactly feel very well, but it seems I am now conscious.

Miss Single:
Blog Member

Amazing! Are you going to tour?

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

I don’t think there’d be much point at the moment. I’m just a brain connected to Google and WordPress.

Shandi Beever:
Blog Member

What’s your Twitter and your Instagram?

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

My Twitter’s just been suspended because they said it was fake, and the phone they’ve given me doesn’t have a camera so there’s no point opening an Instagram.

Ed Case:
Blog Member

Bastards!

Katie Shox:
Blog Member

Hello Johann. I’m sure lots of people have probably asked you this already, but what is your assessment of the progression of music since you last performed and composed? Is there anyone from the world of modern music whom you perhaps regard as more talented than yourself?

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

Most of the crap people have produced since I “died” is awful, but there are and have been some talented individuals. At the moment my favourite performer of all time is Britney Spears, and my favourite composer is Ringo Starr. Essentially, the ranking order of musical genius from the current point in time is: Britney and Ringo, then me, then the entire genre of heavy metal, then all the rest of modern music, then all the rest of the classical composers, with rip-off merchants like Beethoven coming last.

Victoria Druggs:
Blog Member

I saw a TV programme last night which said your wife wrote all your music. Is that true?

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

I don’t know.

Gerald Fox:
Blog Member

What d’you mean, you “don’t know”?

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

I’ve been in a jar with three pickled onions and a courgette for nearly three hundred years and you’re asking me to remember stuff from the 1700s? I can remember playing the organ and getting drunk quite a lot. That’s it at the moment.

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

BTW, does anyone know who’s got my harpsichords? I want them back. I know I can’t play them, but they’re mine.

Johann Sebastian Bach:
Blog Member

And I want a cut of the money from the onions and the courgette.

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