Europe’s Worst Private Investigator

Private Investigator Jack Smart

KATIE SHOX:
I am writing this post to urge all readers of this blog never to hire private detective Jack Smart.

All he had to do was follow my personal trainer’s protected Twitter account and find out the truth about why he is fat. My trainer claims it is his doctor’s fault that he’s fat, but several people have suggested that it is really because his fitness regime does not work and he eats too many donuts.

Not only has Jack Smart failed to get my PT to accept his follow request on Twitter – he has also got himself blocked by two gymnasium chains, my nutritionist, and several TV health pundits. He has proved absolutely useless in establishing why my personal trainer is fat, and I would strongly recommend that readers steer clear of his incompetent services.


 
REPLIES…

Jack Smart
Private Investigator

Excuse me, but you did not hire me for the work you’ve outlined above. You actually hired me because your phone broke outside my office, and you could not find your way to a shop to get a new one. I successfully located a branch of Carphone Warehouse for you, and drove you to it.

You then asked me to find out the best available deals on gas and electricity, home insurance, and garden fencing. I accomplished all of this and furnished you with relevant details. Indeed, I found you a fencing specialist offering a buy now, pay 2016 deal, and since he is wanted for tax evasion and serious fraud, it is almost certain that he will be in prison by the time your payment is due. So if this man has carried out your fencing work, it is likely you will not have to pay for it until 2026, if at all.

I was not aware that you were asking me to follow your personal trainer on Twitter in a professional capacity. I considered it purely a recommendation, upon which, since he is blatantly the least fit personal trainer I have ever seen, I did not place any great importance. If I had known I was supposed to be extracting covert information I would not have attempted to follow him under my own name.

Katie Shox
Guest Writer

It took you nearly six hours to find a Carphone Warehouse, and by the time we finally arrived they were shut. I’m now paying more per month on my gas, electricity and insurance than I was before, and seriously… you think relying on a tradesman to be put in prison before the bill is due is a ‘deal’????

Jack Smart
Private Investigator

Any decent private investigator will aim to exploit inside information when asked to locate the best deal. I have saved motorists a fortune simply by referring them to car dealers who were about to be shot. If you are paying more than I calculated for other services, you have clearly selected the wrong tick boxes on the websites. And the reason it took six hours to get to Carphone Warehouse is that you specifically instructed me to find one which was next door to a cake shop, on the advice of your ‘nutritionist’.

Katie Shox
Guest Writer

If I was to buy a motor vehicle from a dealer who is about to be shot, would I essentially get a free car?

Jack Smart
Private Investigator

Apart from the deposit, and my investigation fee, yes.

Katie Shox
Guest Writer

Okay, can you find me a car dealer who’s about to be shot please?… And if you don’t mind, can you follow my personal trainer in disguise and find out why he’s fat?…

Jack Smart
Private Investigator

I’ll email you the prices.

Katie Shox
Guest Writer

Thank you.

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