New Discoveries in Squirrel Psychology

VICTORIA DRUGGS:
Whilst the squirrel is considered the most intelligent of all rodents, scientists have for many years believed its primary interests to be trees, nuts, and the general mystery of why cousin rat eats eight-month-old beefburgers out of bins. However, as documented in a new study released today, scientists have discovered that squirrels have a much more sophisticated selection of thoughts.

Using new technology capable of remotely monitoring subtle electrical brain impulses, the scientists were able to measure the emotions of squirrels with considerable accuracy. They found that the creatures paid much more attention to human beings than was previously thought, and pondered several common questions about us. The most pressing and baffling question squirrels ponder in relation to the human race, scientists believe, is…

Why did we produce so many heavy metal albums in the 1970s and 1980s?

There were also numerous hypotheticals the scientists were able to deduce. For example, if a squirrel were able to use Twitter, it would not Block us, but neither would it Follow us. It may Retweet limited numbers of our Tweets if it were offered free acorns in return, but it would almost certainly not consider doing so otherwise.

Interestingly, squirrels see themselves not as less intelligent than humans, but as more intelligent. They recognise that they are not very good at reading or driving, but do not lend any importance to either activity. They do, however, note with some disdain that we are not very good at crawling head first down a vertical tree trunk with a horse chestnut between our teeth. To a squirrel, this makes us mentally inferior. The squirrel also notes that neither the average human, nor the average squirrel, is very good at impersonating Elvis, but that at least the squirrel has the sense not to try.


 
REPLIES…

michael9:
Blog Member

Is the question of whether a squirrel would retweet a picture of an acorn still under investigation?

Animal Science:
Report Authors

No.

michael9:
Blog Member

Any particular reason why?

Animal Science:
Report Authors

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