Source-trolling has been reported as a growing Internet phenomenon – especially on the ever-chaotic screaming and foot-stamping ground of Twitter. But what actually is source-trolling, and what does it achieve?…
If ever you’ve felt like joining a secret cult, full of witches, sorcery and er… male feminists, your option of the moment just has to be NRGCult. Anchored at a secret location on the ‘dark net’, the organisation is run by a collective of powerful ‘spellcrafters’, whose magick appears to be upscaling the membership volume at an alarming rate.
The group’s main recruitment drive centres around love spells. Huge transfers of cosmic energy which can make the very most coveted celebrity fall madly and deeply for some vacant blob of sap who resides in his mother’s basement. The love spells are free, but they can only be cast for members, so anyone wanting that dream partner must join the Cult. Continue reading Exposing the Dark World of NRGCult
“Oh yes, the coving is very well fitted and I particularly like the kitchen design. But tell me: is the toilet haunted?…”
And even if you do think to ask, let’s face it; the answer is not going to be “yes”, is it?
“Ah, I’m glad you asked, Madam! Because the home you’re about to purchase has the most haunted lavatory in Britain. The list of demonic visitations extends back to 1944, and once rendered the lavatory uninhabitable for a period of ten full years.
Various cursed objects were found thrust down the bowl. The toilet was, for example, blocked by a non-biodegradable Bible between late June and early July 1968. And then, when the Bible was finally blasted out of the system by a highly experienced plumber, the troubled, ghostly presence thrust two more Bibles down into its place. In the ensuing years, no fewer than 7,147 non-biodegradable Bibles have been thrust down this toilet under unexplained circumstances. It’s believed that in February 1989, there were nine Bibles down there at once. Will you be buying the house Madam?…”
If you’re buying a new home, and the toilet is haunted, chances are you’re not going to find out about it until it’s too late. Your lavatory will need to be exorcised, and that opens up a whole new array of problems… Continue reading How to Exorcise a Lavatory
I am campaigning to make life quotes illegal, on the basis that they are indiscriminately persuading Twitter users not to give up on their goals, when they should never even have set any goals in the first place.
In association with a small group of scientists who have asked to remain nameless, I have determined that life quotes are not only bad advice for 90% of Twitter’s userbase – they are also a form of torture. Accordingly, they should carry a minimum sentence of life imprisonment, in solitary confinement, on a diet of highly laxative cereal and water.
Please do whatever you can to spread this message and further the campaign, since I literally can’t be bothered. Continue reading Campaign to Make Life Quotes Illegal