Tag Archives: technology

New Discoveries in Squirrel Psychology

VICTORIA DRUGGS:
Whilst the squirrel is considered the most intelligent of all rodents, scientists have for many years believed its primary interests to be trees, nuts, and the general mystery of why cousin rat eats eight-month-old beefburgers out of bins. However, as documented in a new study released today, scientists have discovered that squirrels have a much more sophisticated selection of thoughts. Continue reading New Discoveries in Squirrel Psychology
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Campaign to Make Life Quotes Illegal

life quote

SHANDI BEEVER:
I am campaigning to make life quotes illegal, on the basis that they are indiscriminately persuading Twitter users not to give up on their goals, when they should never even have set any goals in the first place.

In association with a small group of scientists who have asked to remain nameless, I have determined that life quotes are not only bad advice for 90% of Twitter’s userbase – they are also a form of torture. Accordingly, they should carry a minimum sentence of life imprisonment, in solitary confinement, on a diet of highly laxative cereal and water.

Please do whatever you can to spread this message and further the campaign, since I literally can’t be bothered. Continue reading Campaign to Make Life Quotes Illegal

What Date Did My Career Lurch Into An Unstoppable Nosedive?

Q Answers Header

CRAWFORD SMOOTHE:
I keep hearing people talking about “What Date Did My Career Lurch Into An Unstoppable Nosedive?”. What is it, and why is everyone talking about it? Continue reading What Date Did My Career Lurch Into An Unstoppable Nosedive?

Social Media in the Early 1990s

PMD Professional Audio Cassette

BOB LEGGITT:
Was there really such a thing as social media in 1992? Well, speaking as someone who actually worked for the earliest known social media provider, I can confirm that indeed there was. Things were a bit slower back in 1992, but no less exciting, and actually, things have changed very little… Continue reading Social Media in the Early 1990s

A Revolutionary Dental Serum

Revolutionary Dental Serum

BUTCHARD PLANK:
Good afternoon. I am Butchard Plank – Managing Director of Plank Industries. You may have seen my innovative genius reported on this blog before, but this time, I need your help before the product even goes to market.

We at Plank Industries have come up with a revolutionary dental serum which protects teeth in a way no previous product has ever approached. It is going to change the world and make all dentists redundant. Continue reading A Revolutionary Dental Serum

Christian Troll Needs Abusive Posts Removed

Stop to Buy Your Salvation

CRAWFORD SMOOTHE:
I am a recently born again Christian, who was, until yesterday morning, a prominent Internet troll and keyboard warrior. I have left a long and widespread trail of childish abuse right across the Internet, including Continue reading Christian Troll Needs Abusive Posts Removed

Clothez Xpandr Expands Your Clothes

Clothez Xpandr Xpands Clothes

If you think you’ve seen enough of Barry Scott and his beloved Cillit Bang during your evenings in front of the telly, you’d better brace yourself for one Butchard Plank, and his altogether bigger, louder, and frankly, more expensive campaign. Yes, there’s a new technology in town, and this one, says product inventor Plank, is gonna knock you flat. Continue reading Clothez Xpandr Expands Your Clothes